The funeral and the days after

On Sunday, May 2, 2010, I said goodbye to my maternal grandmother. It was something I had decided to do after praying and talking to Bro. Mike and my mom and praying some more. Since writing is about the only way that I do get to release myself and my feelings, I probably should have done this from the very beginning this week.

I was so nervous about going to the funeral, and I didn't know what the event would bring. I was more upset about having to see Theresa and Reesa than anything else. I hadn't seen them in 7 years. I didn't know how they would react to me being there. Anyway, I knew that God was laying it on my heart to go. I felt at peace after the decision was made and I wasn't going to back out.

My mom and Jeff came to get me Sunday morning and we drove down to Lake Providence. It was a long drive simply because I was upset about the situation. However, I had to go; I didn't want to have any regrets later on in my life about this moment of saying goodbye to Grandma. As we were driving down to La, I got to talking to mom and Jeff about everything that has happened. It was nice to talk to them about all this and in a way, I'm so glad I got that long drive to the funeral. I had time to clear my head and say a prayer before going in.

When we got to Oak Grove my cousin, Amanda, had called and told me that she had told everyone I was coming. I didn't tell her not to say anything so I couldn't get that upset after and actually I wasn't upset with her at all. I just didn't want anyone to have time to cook up trouble before I got there. Amanda just said that Reesa had asked how she found out about Grandma and she told her I did and I was on my way.

We arrived at the funeral and I called Erica to let her know that I was there. Nan, Erica and Reesa were walking from Erica's truck when I saw them. I got out of the car and hugged Nan and Erica. It was so emotional for me. I had not seen Erica in almost 15 years and Nan in 10 years. I cried when I hugged them. Nan led the way into the funeral home; asking me what I was doing these days. As we approached the door, I saw Theresa sitting on the couch. I didn't recognize her at first. She has really let herself go.
Nan led me to where the casket was at. I walked slowly behind her, nervous as ever. Mom and Jeff were behind me and mom was holding my hand. I walked into the room and saw Reesa standing by the casket. I went to her and embraced her. We hugged and cried together for what seemed like a long time. After I let go of her, she saw my mom and Jeff. We introduced everyone and started talking. I couldn't get over the way my sister looked. She looks great. She has lost about 100 lbs she said and is in nursing school with one year left. I couldn't believe how great she looks.

Anyway, I visited with Nan and Erica before the service started. Not once did Theresa try to say anything to me or start anything. Good thing too, I had my body guards with me so nobody was going to mess with me :).

The service went well and I finally cried for Grandma when I saw her in the casket the second time. I haven't really cried since then but grieving is a process and we all go through it at different speeds. After the service, Nan and Erica left almost immediately and I don't blame them, less chance that something will start that way.

Reesa and I talked too. I asked her to call Daddy and she said she needed time. I told her that I understood that. We exchanged phone numbers. I gave her my cell, daddy's home, and mom's cell numbers. I asked her to go see Meme too. She wanted to know if Aunt Carla Ann would let her, I told her to tell her that she was there to see Meme not her. Reesa called me later that night and we talked about going together to see Meme, so we are planning for a weekend.

Reesa and I have talked everyday in some way since Sunday. I am so excited God has opened this door. Reesa really seems to have grown-up a lot.