I'm going to the funeral

So I woke up this morning with one thing on my mind, the funeral. I decided to go, because I do not want to have any regrets about not saying my final goodbye to Gladys. I think this will help me heal and end this chapter of my life. Somehow, I can't help but think this is the way God wanted it for me. I am finally going to be able to see my birth mother again and face her without running away. That is a big huge step for me. I will be able to say goodbye to my grandmother whom I loved so much as a younger child. I am almost certain I can pinpoint the day I stopped being her "baby." But now is not the time to think about the what ifs and the should have beens. I do not regret my decision to not speak to her or see her. This is what growing up means for me and being able to put this part of my life behind me. Of course I have questions that will never be answered by Gladys, but that's okay. I don't think I would have liked the answers to them anyway. Tomorrow is going to be the toughest day for me, right now is hard too. I need to be working on a paper and instead I am doing this. I can't concentrate right now. I think I will take a nap and let my mind rest then start on it. But tomorrow...tomorrow is in God's hands. He is already there waiting on me. He is carrying me through this emotional time. It is at these times that I am so thankful for the relationship I have with Jesus. I have someone to lean on, to carry me when I am unable to walk, and to catch my tears when i am hurting. I will follow up within the next week with what happens tomorrow.